Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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