Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
