Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
