You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
