Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
