Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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