It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize