and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
