We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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