i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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