We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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