let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
