All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
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I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
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As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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