From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
