she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I will pee on everything he values.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
