4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Where is the hickey?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
