I intend to get homeless drunk
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
