Whod you bang
Your dad touched me again.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
