There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and she was petting her beer can
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
