You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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