im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize