Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
FUCK WHALES
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
