My hand turned me down
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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