i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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