CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
