it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
