she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
