we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
