You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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