I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
