i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
