I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
