ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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