But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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