Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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