Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
