So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
