whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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