Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Your dad touched me again.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
