apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
