Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
