My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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