and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
