It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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