Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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