She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
