How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
