A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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