We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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