Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
