You smell like a Billy Joel song
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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