Do vagina's smell?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You are a genius and a whore.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
