When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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