we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also, beer. Big fan.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
