Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
