whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
