The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
