I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
