Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
