Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
