You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
