Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
