there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD