She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.