Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
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Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.