two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss