can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
