Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
